Annie

Posts Tagged ‘growing up’

Danger, Will Robinson!

In Farm and Family, Musings on January 29, 2014 at 12:20 am

I’ll be honest with you. This week, I was kind of in a panic about my post. I had one written out, but it just wasn’t clicking. Then I saw this video suggested on my Facebook news-feed.

Dear Mom,

Thanks  for letting me do most of these things. I don’t think you ever let me drive a car, but I remember when my best friend and I accidentally became pirates with those CD copies, and you didn’t freak out. Thanks for letting dad teach me how to make fire. I wouldn’t be the one and only Fire-Breathing-Pigeon if you hadn’t let your baby strike that first match. I bet you’re pretty glad I never got very good at making throwing spears with my hand-me-down Swiss Army knife. I’m sure it was kind of annoying to find things I had “fixed”.

I realized a while back when I was babysitting, that play like this is nerve wracking. I hadn’t ever been on this side of it before. Play is really a scary thing. It’s so worth it though. When we made see-saws with a brick and a board and then jumped on them, it was the coolest thing ever. Hey look! Physics! Now when I see kids doing the same thing, I’m thinking “Is the board going to snap? What if it slips and they hit their head on the brick?”

I know it feels like yesterday that I was the one of those kids with wide eyes, taking their own lives into their hands. I had a marvelous time. You know that I learn things best by doing them, and you knew that you couldn’t teach me some things. Basic physics, cause and effect, problem solving, simple engineering and mechanics. Playing dangerously and hours of playing Gizmos and Gadgets are the basis of all my understanding of physics and a big part of my love of science.

So Mom, thanks for putting up with me. You taught me more that way than you ever could have with a book. Thanks for learning to be brave. I have a feeling you are going to need to keep being brave for a long time yet. I love you Mom. I hope I can be you when I grow up.

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Frozen Heart

In Books and Movies, Musings on January 22, 2014 at 12:10 am

Last week after reading my post about Frozen a friend sent me a message on Facebook asking what my gift was that I had hidden.

It’s kind of funny, I said I lived “conceal, don’t feel,” and that is exactly what I was doing. For once, I wasn’t using a metaphor. This is quite literally what I did, and I didn’t even know that I was doing it.

When I was little I had night terrors. They eventually faded to simple nightmares. Simple. Ha. I would wake up, hyperventilating, heart pounding, and run to my parents bedroom to spend the rest of the night at the foot of their bed. When I was about 9 years old I began feeling unwelcome. And so, since feeling like a burden hurt more than my pain, I turned the off pain. I put my heart in cryostasis. Ice is strong. I had to be strong.

In the past couple of years, my frozen heart has gradually begun to beat. My counselors at camp were the first ones to start chipping away the frost. That is why I came back to camp. Even though I didn’t like that they were so touchy-feely, I couldn’t help but crave feeling.

A while back my Fairy GodMother gave me the title of storyteller. At first I didn’t really think that much of it, but I soon realized that it is true. A storyteller isn’t just someone who tells bedtime stories. I am a storyteller. Without feelings, a story just falls flat.

So, what is my magic? I see meaning where others see chaos. I can read people like a book. I know things I should have no way of knowing. Why couldn’t I do these things before? Well, I could. But since I couldn’t feel, they never developed past the point of infancy. I’m just now learning to crawl. Feelings aren’t my weakness. They are what give me strength.

Melt

In Books and Movies, Musings on January 15, 2014 at 12:10 am

I finally saw Frozen last weekend. Several friends told me to watch it, so Hannah and I went on a little date.

There is so much more to this movie than I could possibly put in one post.

If you haven’t seen this movie yet, PLEASE do not read this post! It is one that you need to see for yourself without tainted ideas about it.

Read the rest of this entry »

Desperately Complete

In Books and Movies, Musings, Short on December 18, 2013 at 12:49 am

Well, I did it. I finished An Acceptable Time. I’m kind of sad about it.

It’s not that it ended poorly. In all honesty, it’s only partially because it is the last book. It’s a series I started when I was somewhere around 9 or 10 years old. That’s actually about how long I’ve been blogging, now that I think about it. I’ve been reading it for most of the time that I can remember. And now it’s over.

It feels kind of like letting go of my last ties to childhood. It’s funny though. I still read a lot of kid’s books and watch kid’s TV shows. Alice in Wonderland is one of my favorite books. I was excited when I finally got “Don’t let the Pigeon Drive the Bus” from the library, and I plan to buy a copy for myself.

But even though I fangirl about Doctor Who, watch My Little Pony, and quote Princess Bride (and feel no shame about any of them), I can talk for hours about the need for Grace, what we can learn from and the fantastic literacy of the book of Revelation, or why we should be joyful. I realized the other day while playing a storytelling game that I have little to no desire to write fiction anymore. There are so many real things to write about, plus I’m kind of particular about stories and I can’t ever make one quite right.  I am finding that I love these things that I used to feel such an intense, burning indifference for (name that song).

So, why does this one thing feel like such a big turning point when this change has been happening for a long time? I really don’t know. I can’t quite put my finger on it. Sitting here, finished with high school, looking for a job, thinking about college, I can’t help but feel a desperate sense of completion. Finished with childhood and determined to start life.

I’m not sure how that works, but that is how it feels. Desperately complete.

To My Brothers And Sisters

In Musings, Short on November 27, 2013 at 1:20 am

A while back I posted on Facebook asking our friends for suggestions about blog topics. Someone said I should talk about purity. I don’t think I have ever addressed this subject that so many are obsessed with.

I don’t like the “purity” movement. I don’t think it leaves room for openness and honesty with our brothers and sisters. And, I think it has a lot of ramifications that go unnoticed.

I have noticed an alarming number of unwed 20-somethings. When found in the secular culture everyone assumes it is because they are avoiding commitment etc, but why are there so many in the Christian homeschooling community? Shouldn’t we be marrying and “taking dominion of the earth”? There is at least one issue with this. Guys and girls aren’t allowed to talk to each other much. In the immortal words of Widow Paroo,

“It’s a well-known principle that if you keep the flint in one drawer and the steel in the other, you’ll never strike much of a fire.”

The main reason is that in the quest to keep from thinking “impure” thoughts, guys and girls neglect 1 Timothy 5:1-2.

Don’t be harsh or impatient with an older man. Talk to him as you would your own father, and to the younger men as your brothers. Reverently honor an older woman as you would your mother, and the younger women as sisters.

Since we only view a member of the opposite sex as someone’s future mate, girls and guys usually end up just, well, avoiding each other. This is so wrong! We are both created in the image of God, and are told by Him to treat each other like siblings!  

The worst part that it takes the focus away. Instead of focusing on walking with God as a family, we avoid each other and talk about how fantastic it is to do so! How about be open and humble with each other. We all have struggles, we all need grace, we all long for support. As children of the Most High King, we are not only princes and princesses, but brothers and sisters. Not all princes are Prince Charming, most of them are our brothers. Let’s treat them that way.

Change of Plans

In Actions in Activities, Farm and Family, Short on October 24, 2013 at 8:05 am

As I have mentioned a lot lately, I am very busy. And, what that unfortunately means is, I need to cut some things down. I’m not staying up as late looking at Pinterest or watching Youtube videos, and now, I am not staying up late to work on my blog. Honestly, I’ve tried! I start to fall asleep at the keyboard! Mom says I’m on a grown-up’s schedule now. The scary thing is, I’m getting used to it. I actually tried to sleep in yesterday, the one day this week I’m not working, but I couldn’t sleep past 9.

Enough prevaricating about the bush. I’m cutting my blogging. *runs in circles screaming* NO! No. Not completely! I’m just cutting it back a bit for the sake of quality and sanity. Starting next week I will go back to posting every Wednesday. It doesn’t feel like I’ve been posting twice a week for very long. It’s only been seven weeks, but I think it served it’s purpose. I have been writing much more than I was before I gave myself a deadline. I think that is a key to getting things done sometimes. Giving yourself a good hard deadline and sticking to it.

I was discouraged about quitting. It seems like I’ve done that more this year than ever. I hate that. I don’t quit! But, in looking back, I noticed something encouraging. I have been posting every week since July 2nd, and either every Tuesday or Wednesday since July 23rd.

So, I’m not quitting, I’m just changing plans and reprioritizing.

It’s Working!

In Actions in Activities, Books and Movies, Farm and Family on October 15, 2013 at 12:27 am

Or rather I am. I am so tired right now. This is the fifth day in a row that I have worked somewhere.

There is a corn maze just up the road from our house. Last year they sent an email to our homeschool group looking for teens to work there. I talked with the owners and we were all set, but because of the drought the maze wasn’t very good and they didn’t end up needing my help.

Saturday we were just sitting around talking and…  I don’t really know, doing our Saturday morning thing, when my friend’s mom (this is their second year working there) called saying they needed help at the maze. I jumped up, got out of my pajamas, and drove over there. The owner, Mrs. S asked how old I was and got excited that I was 19. “Can you drive an ATV?” Yeah, about 10 years ago I drove my great uncle’s for a few minutes, but I remember how and I’ve had my drivers license for 3 years, so sure, I can probably drive one.

Guess what I did for about 5 hours Saturday afternoon? I drove a four-wheeler pulling about 8 barrels-turned-train-cars. My thumb felt like it was going to fall off and I now have a fantastic sunburn on the backs of my hands. Once the sun went down and the train was put away, I worked in the concession stand for a few hours. I was surprised how many people came to do the maze in the dark.

Mrs. S asked me what time I could be back on Sunday, and basically, I have a job. I always knew this was how it would have to happen. All of my previous attempts had been fruitless.

It is so strange working this much. I’m hardly ever home anymore. I miss Josh and Hannah. I feel like they are growing up in my house as me, but I’m never home. I get up at 7 most days. Anyone who has seen me right after I wake up knows how big of a feat this is. I am not a morning person. By any stretch of the imagination. The sad thing I’ve found is that I can’t drink coffee in the morning. It makes me so jittery it ruins my day. My body is awake and my mind is not, or vice-versa. No bueno.

The only day I “have off” this week is Wednesday, and even then I volunteer at the library for a couple hours. Now, it would be logical to cut this out of my schedule. It isn’t an actual job, and it is my one and only day off. But I just can’t do that! I have thought about it, but only very briefly. I just love it too much. It’s quiet, relatively peaceful, and, basically, I get to be around books. Nope, library stays.

I know this isn’t my normal kind of post, but it’s what’s been on my mind. I am exhausted, but every day I am in such awe of how God has worked things together in a way that I never could.

 

Beautiful, Bald, Baby Sister

In Camp, Farm and Family, Pictures on October 8, 2013 at 12:32 am

Sixteen years ago I my life changed forever. My little Meglet joined the family. My incredibly comfortable life as an only child came to an end. I had no idea what it meant to be a big sister, in fact, I only recently have been learning what it really means.007

It has been amazing watching Megatron this past year. This practically bald three year old has become such a powerful young lady. She’s always been more of a lady than I am. She liked pink, horses, playing house and girly stuff like that. I liked climbing trees, making mud holes, playing surgeon, hiking, and wrestling. I dragged her along and she learned to like my stuff too, but she’s always added a touch of flowers and sparkle (we seriously were the Powerpuff Girls, even though mom wouldn’t let us watch the show).006

I was quite happy being an only child, and I did my best to get rid of her when we were little (subconsciously of course). As she was learning to walk, I used any opportunity to make her fall on her face. Mom was pretty sure that her 4 year old was going to be a convicted criminal (hasn’t happened yet…). When she was about 4, I covered her in mud from head to toe. And, not just a light coating, I caked her in mud. Oh, by the way, I think it was maybe March or something? It was cold outside. I guess it was when I was around 8 years old that I accepted that she was here for good. That’s when all our best stories are from. When we started working together to create our mischief.

Megara has always learned faster than me. When I was 7 years old and struggling to learn how to ride a bike, she stole my bike and rode away. She is the only one of my siblings that I didn’t teach how to ride a bike. She learned to read pretty much at the same time as I did. She watches me do something and fail, takes notes and then does the thing better than I ever could. That’s how it’s always been. Meg can do pretty much anything extremely well. She gets frustrated if it doesn’t work after 2 tries. This drives me crazy. If I get it within 2 tries, I’m shocked, and it probably was just a fluke.008

This summer at camp I was so proud of my baby sister. Her counselor and DD, both ladies that I love and look up to, would talk about her. They told about how she was helping the other girls in her cabin and how she was so mature. Every single time I heard them talking about her I started crying. My little Meg, blossoming into such a leader. I just can’t help but think of how fantastic she is going to be as a CILT and then on staff at camp.

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I love you my creative sister.

Megan, Megara, Megatron, Meglet, and most of all, Meg.

Life is Good

In Musings on September 19, 2013 at 12:31 am

I have a lot to complain about.

I have a cold. I didn’t get as many chapters memorized as I wanted to this month. I don’t have a job. I don’t have a husband, boyfriend or even a potential boyfriend. I don’t have a lot of free time anymore. I’m not in school like most of my friends. I don’t really have all that many good friends. I don’t have a laptop or a car. Basically, I don’t have everything I want.

But, right now, I’m feeling really good about my life. I’m busy, but that means I don’t have time to be as lazy. I don’t have a job, per se, but I have childcare jobs pretty much every weekday. This is something I love doing and it’s the equivalent of a part-time job. I’m content in my singleness. Contentedness comes and goes, but for now, I’m happy. Nearly all my friends live really far away, and I don’t have very many, but the ones I do have are very precious to me. I’m saving money to get the material things I need, but they aren’t urgent needs. I have what I need for now.

I’m feeling really blessed. Blessed to live in a time and place where these things are attainable.

I was watching Robin Hood the other day. The episode featured an Abbot who was betraying Robin and his gang. No one could understand why he was lying about them and condemning them. He had been faithful in the past and stayed out of politics for the most part. Why was he suddenly misleading the people? The Sheriff had something that would ruin the Abbot of Kirklees, but what could be so precious that he would be so evil? For most of the episode I was thinking it must be some scandal that the Sheriff was threatening to expose. That’s how it usually goes. Then Friar Tuck has a little chat with the Abbot. This is bigger than scandal. It is heresy. The Abbot would be in deep jelly babies if this came to light.

Before I tell you what this blasphemous act was, I want you to remember what time this is. It is before around the Renaissance. This is a time of extreme superstition and dishonesty.

So what was the Abbot doing that was so wrong? He was translating the Bible to English. He had been translating the word of God into the language of the people for ten years.  And the Sheriff had his manuscript.

The story comes to its peak, the Abbot is still carrying on his charade, Robin and the gang are tied and about to burned at the stake. The flames are licking up the wood, Robin gets free and escape is eminent, but worthless unless the Abbot will retract his sentence. The Abbot knows Robin is a good man, so he tells the truth. The Sheriff throws the manuscript into the flames and the Abbot tries to retrieve his work. The show ends with a pair of bandaged hands holding a burnt page and a pen. “In the beginning…”

I know this is just a TV show, but I couldn’t help but tear up at the end. The lengths that these men went to get the Bible to the people is just something most of us take for granted. They were going against the church, the most powerful authority at the time. They were persecuted for spreading the Gospel.

It is amazing to me.

Sometimes I feel like I have a lot to complain about, but then God uses something as trivial as a TV show to make me so grateful. You know what? Life is good.

This Side

In Musings on September 12, 2013 at 12:32 am

From this side of the keyboard, it’s pretty exciting. I know it may be tough to fathom from that side, but it’s true. I never know when I’m going to have a random stranger comment or a sudden spike in views.

Most of the time I get on after being away for the day and I find nothing has changed. I don’t have any views or comments. I’m still waiting for someone to link back to one of my posts. It’d be really cool if that happened some day, as long as it was for a good reason. You know, one of those hard hitting, knitty gritty deep posts that people go nuts over. Maybe one day.

Sometimes I come back and I’m greeted with a comment. This always gets me just a little bit ecstatic. That notification, in a sea of notifications, get’s me more excited than any of the others. A comment or message on Facebook, meh, probably not for me since the family shares a Facebook page. An email, probably just a promotional or a message from the library telling me I owe them money. But a comment on my blog? You pretty much just made my day.

Likes and follows are tricky. Most of the time they are just from random people I never hear from again. I’m never really even sure if they actually read my stuff or if they are just fishing. Most of the time it’s just fishing. And then every once in a while, there’s a follow that gets me excited.

There are a few things I’m trying to work on with my writing. I’m trying to step away from the “newsy” type posts and towards the topical posts. You may have noticed this if you have been reading for a while. It kind of just started developing at first. I would be writing, and then I would go off on a tangent. This kept happening. I would be telling you a story and I’d end up with a moral! What? This had always been more of a “letter to grandma” type blog, telling about what’s going on in the family. My blog has been slowly evolving from a friends and family newsletter to a collection of topical posts. It doesn’t really matter if you know me personally now. This may sound cold, but to me it’s a good thing.

I’ve been making mental notes on blogs I consider successful. One of my very favorites is Cynthia Jeub‘s blog. She has really inspired me to share more from my heart. I don’t need to hide who I really am, this is my territory. My domain 😉 . When I first started reading her blog I thought it would have more stories of life with 15 siblings and I was kind of disappointed when I found out it wasn’t. She actually doesn’t mention them all that often. But I like what I found instead much better. Cynthia is humble about her struggles.

One of the things I’ve realized in trying to improve my blog. My posts are way too long. If I am browsing a website and I see that an article is really long, I’m probably just going to skip it unless it looks really intriguing. So I’m working on that. I’m going to have to keep telling myself that it’s ok to be in-exhaustive on a subject. You can always come back later and go deeper. It’s better to be concise and still have their attention by the end of the post, than to fill them in on all the details and be boring.

I hope I never stop writing. It is my getaway. My escape. It let’s me create my own world, or see the real world in a different light.

So, there you have it. The view from the keyboard.

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