Annie

Live Dangerous

In Musings on September 26, 2013 at 12:41 am

Lately I’ve been thinking about a lot of things. In there among the fandoms and random word obsessions, there is a good bit of deep, contemplative thinking. This is what makes it to my blog most of the time nowadays. I’m not sure what to make of this. I can’t decide if it’s a good thing or a bad thing.

If you are new to my blog, but you know me in real life, you may be thinking you are on the wrong blog. There are very few people who I talk about this stuff with. You probably see me as the girl who is either the youngest in the room or the oldest. Quiet most of the time, and then randomly coming out with odd little things that don’t quite make sense. Or I might always be talking, but about things that really don’t matter that much or one of my fandoms. It kind of depends on where you know me from, but in either circumstance, you are probably pretty confused right now.

If you only know me from my blog, and you met me on the street, you would not recognise me. I’m not as introspective in everyday life as I am on here.

I’m not sure how I feel about this. It feels kind of hypocritical. I’m two different people based on where you see me. But, this is who I am when I’m really me.

This really bothers me. I am a person who needs adventure and danger. I get weird when I am too safe for too long. I am an adrenaline junky. I love suspenseful movies and stories. I love rollercoasters. I love traveling.

But, I still fall into a rut of complacency. I don’t do anything radical. I get lazy and unintentional. I end up hurting people because of my carelessness.

I want to live dangerously. I want to do hard things. I want to be intentional. I want to be someone that people see as a profound thinker.

I write on here to work on being bold.Β Β It’s not normal for me to share things like this, but I’m working on it. I want people to really know me.

Last Sunday I volunteered to lead the girls discussion in youth group. It was about the question of why we fellowship with other Christians. I love thinking about this kind of thing, but it usually just stays inside my head, or comes out my fingers to this blog. It was kind of weird, I had said I would do it before I realized what I was saying. It just kind of popped out. I was terrified, but I loved it. I attribute that spontaneity and boldness to my openness on my blog.

The fun person who talks about Doctor Who, Robin Hood and Lord Of The Rings is really me, but, like everyone, there’s more to me than that.

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  1. There’s a tension between the now and the not yet. I am righteous, blameless, perfect, and holy. God says I have become the righteousness of God in Christ. At the same time, I am mean. I get angry. I tell stories from the angle that makes me look the best and conveniently leave out the parts I wish weren’t true (aka lie). “I am tangled up in contradiction.”

    I am learning that it is only hypocrisy if you aren’t honest with yourself and others about your incompleteness and really lean into it. I am a work in progress. I wish I weren’t quite so like those heroic felons that God used in the Old Testament, but that’s what makes me a trophy of His Grace.

    I love love love your email tag line. It is so true. “Discipline is remembering what you want.” Believe that He came to save you and me. Not just from Hell, but from the chains of sin that seem so comfortable and cozy. He came to save me everyday. Like Andrew Peterson’s song “Hosanna.”

    I love you Annie. Keep on. You are Awesome!
    -Daddy

  2. πŸ™‚ I don’t find it hypocritical at all, Annie-my-heart! πŸ™‚ I find it refreshing. You see, some people are so very MUCH inside that they have more characteristics and facets than most people understand. (Most people will never even truly know themselves or become friends with their own hearts!) There are some in the world, walking among us, who would be “too much” for those who relish knowing people on simple and safe terms, so we merely accommodate the comfort of each crowd we run with. It is not that you are divided, it is merely that you fold yourself in, make your self focus on one aspect and you be who you are with *those people*. πŸ™‚ You will, in time, find all your parts and interests and aspects to be in complete union and harmony – all the wonders of who God created you to be will converge seamlessly! But you may still show different facets to different folks. I have learned the hard way that I cannot go just anywhere and turn my full high-beams on and be all of myself in one place… nowhere but the courts of heaven are sturdy enough to see us as we fully are – Christ in you, the sure thing of glory – created in His image, taking after Him, reflecting His radiance. You are who you are IN HIM. Which means you are a treasure-box of wonders, and one I am glad to see open and sharing with the world. πŸ™‚ Love you, Annie! xoxoxo

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